Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
