i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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