saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Randomize
