sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
