Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
