just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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