dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
