Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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