i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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