Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
