I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
