So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
