I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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