Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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