Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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