i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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