You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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