that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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