I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
