i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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