He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
