yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
