College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
wow bdsm is so cute
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
