Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
