I just pynch a tree in the face
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
