My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
