you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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