how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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