I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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