you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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