We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
