I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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