oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
