Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
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The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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