My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
