never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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