it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
