We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
