Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
