well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
