I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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