So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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