This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
