Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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