help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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