i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize