Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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