Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
