Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
