Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
