I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
