One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
