You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
