Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
