The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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