So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
