I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
