he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
