? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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