ugly people sure do ruin things
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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