don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
