Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
