why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
