I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
