so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
