I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
