I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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