You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
