Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
