dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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