My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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