I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
