chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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