My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
