I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
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The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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