You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
