Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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