LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
