Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
