I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
