so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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