Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

Fav 8 940 3269
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

Fav 66 2106 4154
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

Fav 37 7488 1053
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

Fav 18 1761 5933
share tweet
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(214): View more from Texas

I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.

Fav 6 3187 1170
share tweet
(563): View more from Iowa

I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?

Fav 11 1585 1082
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(510): View more from California

Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.

(1-510): View more from California

That is one convoluted booty call.

Fav 2 933 1180
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(404): View more from Georgia

I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?

Fav 12 593 1100
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

I just gargled with NyQuil

Fav 0 119 195
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT