First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.