Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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